The accusation, "you are too sensitive" is often a defensive statement made by the accuser, who has usually done something that is hurtful to the person accused of being "too sensitive." Sometimes the accuser has hurt this person inadvertently, sometimes deliberately, and most often the reasons are complex. Whatever the reason for the original hurt, it is incumbent on any person who hurts another to apologize. If that person cannot recognize that their behavior was hurtful, the person who has been hurt may need to detach from the relationship. A person who uses many hurtful behaviors, that remain unresolved, cannot be a safe person to have a relationship with. We are all human and make mistakes. Apologies help rectify mistakes. Unfortunately, many people have difficulty owning and admitting their mistakes.

For instance, if an individual was beaten when he/she was a child, he/she will often do the same to his/her children. Abuse often begets abuse. This is not always true, for there have been many people who decided that their parents were wrong for beating them and they raised their own children without beating them. However, many people who were beaten have also been brainwashed into believing that they deserved the beatings. It would be difficult for a person who genuinely believes he/she deserved being beaten to change how he/she parents his/her own children. People who genuinely believe that they are not doing anything wrong are unable to make amends for their actions. That does not mean they have done nothing wrong.

Many people who were raised (through abusive parenting and brainwashing) to believe that authority figures do not make mistakes will often become an authority figure to prevent themselves from recognizing their own fallibility. Often, their self-esteem is too fragile to accept that they are fallible. Some people have been raised to believe that being fallible is a sign of weakness. That would make it more difficult for them to recognize and apologize for their mistakes. So, they blame the person they hurt by telling them "You're too sensitive."

This accusation has become a part of everyday thinking for many people. People who are less than self-aware will often use this phrase. Usually, it is used reflexively, without thinking. Unfortunately, it can become casual victim blame. Those who have not had a chance to think through this accusation often accept that they are indeed "too sensitive."

Recently, the mental health field has been designing sensitivity raising programs, to help those who are aggressive become more aware that they are being "under sensitive." The phrase "under sensitive", clearly the opposite of "over sensitive" has not yet become part of everyday thinking. However, it is a phrase, which makes sense. If there is such a thing as "too sensitive" the opposite, "under sensitive" must also be true.

For the mental health of society to continue its improvement, every capable individual must learn how to examine his/her own behaviors, thoughts and feelings. Every individual needs to question himself/herself, "is that person really being too sensitive or am I not being sensitive enough?" And if the answer is, "maybe I am not being sensitive enough," then the individual can take steps to make amends and retribution. That is a vital part of relationships and of living cooperatively on this earth. It is one of those lessons we learn in kindergarten. "You Are Too Sensitive"

The accusation, "you are too sensitive" is often a defensive statement made by the accuser, who has usually done something that is hurtful to the person accused of being "too sensitive." Sometimes the accuser has hurt this person inadvertently, sometimes deliberately, and most often the reasons are complex. Whatever the reason for the original hurt, it is incumbent on any person who hurts another to apologize. If that person cannot recognize that their behavior was hurtful, the person who has been hurt may need to detach from the relationship. A person who uses many hurtful behaviors, that remain unresolved, cannot be a safe person to have a relationship with. We are all human and make mistakes. Apologies help rectify mistakes. Unfortunately, many people have difficulty owning and admitting their mistakes.

For instance, if an individual was beaten when he/she was a child, he/she will often do the same to his/her children. Abuse often begets abuse. This is not always true, for there have been many people who decided that their parents were wrong for beating them and they raised their own children without beating them. However, many people who were beaten have also been brainwashed into believing that they deserved the beatings. It would be difficult for a person who genuinely believes he/she deserved being beaten to change how he/she parents his/her own children. People who genuinely believe that they are not doing anything wrong are unable to make amends for their actions. That does not mean they have done nothing wrong.

Many people who were raised (through abusive parenting and brainwashing) to believe that authority figures do not make mistakes will often become an authority figure to prevent themselves from recognizing their own fallibility. Often, their self-esteem is too fragile to accept that they are fallible. Some people have been raised to believe that being fallible is a sign of weakness. That would make it more difficult for them to recognize and apologize for their mistakes. So, they blame the person they hurt by telling them "You're too sensitive."

This accusation has become a part of everyday thinking for many people. People who are less than self-aware will often use this phrase. Usually, it is used reflexively, without thinking. Unfortunately, it can become casual victim blame. Those who have not had a chance to think through this accusation often accept that they are indeed "too sensitive."

Recently, the mental health field has been designing sensitivity raising programs, to help those who are aggressive become more aware that they are being "under sensitive." The phrase "under sensitive", clearly the opposite of "over sensitive" has not yet become part of everyday thinking. However, it is a phrase, which makes sense. If there is such a thing as "too sensitive" the opposite, "under sensitive" must also be true.

For the mental health of society to continue its improvement, every capable individual must learn how to examine his/her own behaviors, thoughts and feelings. Every individual needs to question himself/herself, "is that person really being too sensitive or am I not being sensitive enough?" And if the answer is, "maybe I am not being sensitive enough," then the individual can take steps to make amends and retribution. That is a vital part of relationships and of living cooperatively on this earth. It is one of those lessons we learn in kindergarten.

Anne Ream
©2010

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