Most women think that all men think about is sex. Considering that men joke about sex, talk about it and will do almost anything for sex, it's easy to understand how a woman would come to believe that having sex is all men care about. The truth is that men do think about sex more often than most women, according to the Kinsey Report. Women have that part right. What most women don't know is that just because a man thinks about sex frequently doesn't mean that sex means the same to them as it does to a woman.

After listening to thousands of women over the last 20 years I frequently hear women convey the idea that when they are intimate with a man they feel bonded to him. The main reason for this is the hormone in a woman's brain called Oxytocin. It's the chemical that makes a woman want to bond with her new born baby even after she's gone through the very unpleasant experience of giving birth. Any drug that can do that is pretty powerful.

While men also have Oxytocin it isn't activated in them the same way it is in a woman. So when a man is intimate with a woman, he isn't bonding with her like she is bonding with him, at least now when he's single (but that's for another article). As much as I have heard so many women tell me, "But he told me he loved me," the truth is that men don't bond through sex like women do. Men bond once they have committed to a woman. Does that mean all he has to do is say he's committed? Hardly.

Commitment to a man means much more than just promising to be faithful. When a man truly commits it feels like he is surrendering. He's giving up some of his power to the woman he loves and most men are very cautious about giving a woman that kind of influence. This is the reason why men are frequently cautious about getting married. To them it is wonderful to have a woman in their life and scary as well because a wife can hurt you in ways no one else can. It isn't that she will hurt you....it's that she can.

She can ruin him financially. She can make fun of him in public. She can withhold sex from him.

It's not that men can't do the same things to a woman, but these fears all represent things that would make a man feel powerless and that is the greatest fear of any man. In fact, it's so strong that men will keep from committing (sharing power) with a woman until they feel she won't do him any harm.

While men are aroused quickly, they bond slowly. While there are exceptions to this, it doesn't happen often. It takes time for a man to realize how you will treat him when you're angry or upset. He has to experience you on your bad days as well as your good ones before he will be willing to give you his heart.

Bob Grant
©2011

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