Though it may not be true for the younger people who are part of the dating world, there are some dating singles that won't always know what they do want in a partner. However, the longer you date and the older you get you will probably be very certain and will have (at the least) a mental list of what you don't want to deal with in a person you are dating.

The "don't want" lists are dangerous in that you may say you don't want to date a guy with a beard or a woman with green eyes. First you are limiting your choices on seriously unimportant aspects of a person as a whole being. And you can't hold a conviction based on outward appearances, simply because you are bound to meet a wonderful man with a beard, or a charming woman with emerald eyes and you become flaky with yourself.

Just like boundaries you set with any person in your life, the boundaries you set for your self have to be consistently enforced. Allowing indecisiveness in your choices of date material will often lead you directly toward the path where you are bound to repeat past mistakes. Since it is imperative you stick to the boundaries you have set it's a great decision to allow your "don't want" list to contain things that are on a more inward level than eye color or hairstyles.

Being in an abusive, alcoholic, or immature relationship prior to your newest dating period in life is a perfect reason to be certain you are an emotionally healthy individual before you date again. In that emotional health you will gain a much better perspective of how abuse, addictions, and immaturity will lead your love train right back to the point of derailment again and again.

Typically when you talk to people who have been successful date partners and eventually successful life partners their topical list of "what I don't want" usually, in the end, goes right out the window. However the list that pertains deeply thought out and healthy choices for a date partner is used as a basis for happiness. Discarding your old list of "don't wants" and inventing a newer version from time to time is a sure sign of growth and overall health.

The best tip for successful dating is being a successful person in your own life first. Once you feel very comfortable within your own skin, once you can be on your own without feeling desperate for a date, and once you have decided the person you want to date will enhance what you are not complete you then you are the perfect date.

Ted Belfour
©2006

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