Step Family Happiness? Try This Out

During a family trip to St. Louis last weekend, I had an epiphany for step families. If you've been there, you know no trip is complete without traveling to the top of the Gateway Arch. My children couldn't wait to go to "The Arch" on our last day there. But it's quite a long, drawn out event to get up there. You have to wait for your tour time. Then you have to wait in line to get near the tram cars. Then you have to wait some more to get in the tram car to travel up. While you're waiting there's a video that tells you the trip takes 4 minutes going up and 3 1/2 coming down.

We finally got our turn, jumped into the tram and waited expectantly to get to the top. Once there, my kids took a quick look out the windows and pronounced that they were ready to head down. "Head down!" I said with much dismay. Now a week later, what do they talk about? The beautiful view? The fear of having nothing under you but a floor and then a 630 foot drop? No! They talk with great joy about the tram rides.

It was then that I realized I'd been so busy focusing on getting to the destination, that I missed the fun of the journey.

This happens ALL the time with step families. You get remarried and can't wait to have a "family" again. As frequently happens, couples are completely blindsided by how things don't just happen smoothly in this family. Everyone isn't excited about being a family. People may not even like each other.

This is when everyone starts becoming very disillusioned and begin to think there's something wrong with this family. It's not acting like the previous one you were a part of. Parents start questioning whether they've made a huge mistake remarrying and begin thinking re-divorce.

I tell you, wait! Enjoy the journey. Research has shown us that it can take up to 7 years for step families to begin to feel comfortable and really function well together. That's a LONG journey in order to get to your destination of "comfortable."

If all you do is focus on what's wrong right now, you miss out on a lot of really cool times. On my way down in the tram, I looked out the window and saw all kinds of neat sites inside the Arch that I'd missed on the way up.

The same works for you. Keep your eyes open for those times when members get along or help each other out - even if its for a few moments. Those sightings are what will let you know you're heading in the right direction and aren't lost. That's the journey and it's long and perilous, but there's a rich and satisfying destination for those brave enough to remain on the path.

Be sure to visit RemarriageSuccess.com for more great ideas, articles and resources to help you achieve the remarriage and step family of your dreams.

Creating a strong step family doesn't happen by accident. Learn how to avoid the 10 most common mistakes and make yours a success today!

All of this is brought to you by Alyssa Johnson at Remarriage Success.

Alyssa Johnson at Remarriage Success
©2010

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Step Family Success

Are you remarried and in the midst of attempting to create a strong marriage as well as combining your 2 families? Is that process not going as smoothly as you expected? You've been through the pain of divorce once, why risk going through it again? You don't have to!

Step families and remarriages are completely different from first marriages. Most people assume they're the same and go about creating them with that idea. This error accounts for the divorce rate for remarriages with children being around 75%.

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