Dear Dating Coach,

Everywhere I have moved, people immediately tell me there are no available men. When I moved to Oregon at the age of 32 for graduate school, I was immediately told by the local women that there were no men in the town. Then I moved to Seattle two years later and was told it's really a couples town and the locals aren't friendly.

Later I lived in New York City where the problems of single women are legendary, followed by a move to Connecticut where I was told the state was filled with families and married folks.

Now that I'm living in Spain, my Spanish teacher tells me that all her friends lament the shortage of men!

My question to you is, how do I deal with hearing that there are no men, wherever it is I'm living? I refuse to move to Alaska and I've never once lived in a place where people said, "Boy, are you lucky! This place is crawling with great, available guys!"

Thanks,
Missing Kisses

Dear Missing Kisses,

• Everyone said the earth was flat
• Everyone said the Emperor's new clothes were fine
• Everyone said sky lab would fall on our heads
• Everyone said the computers would go wacky for Y2K

Did any of these things happen?
Were any of these things true?
No, No, No!

In 1987, Newsweek ran an article that claimed a single woman 35+ had a better chance of getting abducted by terrorists than to get married. I think you know which one happened to me.

Who cares what everyone says? "They" don't seem to have a very accurate track record.

Let's take a moment to remember a very important philosophical question: Is the glass half full or half empty? Truth be told, either way it's the same amount of liquid. The difference is solely perspective. You know of course that whatever we focus on is what becomes our reality. I often quote this Universal principle from Hawaiian Shamanism: "Energy Goes Where Attention Flows."

The question is - Do you want your focus to be "There are no men?" I think not.

Good men exist all around - and PS, you only need one right? The Universe is an amazingly abundant place so, let's heighten your awareness of the abundant aspects. Try one of these exercises:

• Count the leaves on any tree (or pine needles this time of year)
• Count the stars in the night sky
• Count the grains of sand on the beach
• Count the blades of grass in your lawn or the park

You can't really count any of these things, and, although each option does have an actual finite number - who can get there? That's the whole point. There are more available men than you can count, regardless of where you live.

Here's the real challenge - start looking for evidence to prove there IS AN ABUNDANCE. This requires shifting your perspective and preventing yourself from falling back on old habits of noticing lack.

Chances are very strong that you'll start to notice men that you never would have even seen before. That's because your mind will be open now to collect new data. And as Martha Stewart says, "That's a good thing."

So I hope this answer has opened your mind and inspired you to start noticing the great men that are all around you every day. One woman I know met her husband in WalMart - she was walking in and he was walking out. Another met her husband in the dog park where they both walked their dogs. Still another met her long-term partner buying new sheets in Bed, Bath, & Beyond. These bits of romantic kismet happen every day, everywhere. What will you do make yourself available and cross paths with your soul mate?

Get out there, smile, be friendly, be grateful and aware of the great catch you are, and enjoy the wonderful life you have. This will make you highly attractive, get you out there, and help you cross paths with prospects to sort and find the right one for you. I did it, and you can too.

Kisses,

©2008

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