If you are not having it, I bet your husband is hassling you for it or he's quietly disappointed. If you have had it, you just were not ready and are hoping that this time will hold him over for a while. Finally you probably are having it and loving it. We all fall into some category regarding sex after having children. If you fall in to the first two categories what do you do? How do you get over the hump? I will talk about some suggestions that I have done and that others have suggested to aid in such at time as this.

The first thing that should be done is to talk to your mate. Communication is very important in a relationship and when done correctly can solve most, if not all, of relationship issues. Find out what is making you not want to be intimate with your mate. Maybe you don't feel sexy, maybe you are just tired all the time, or it could be sex is the last thing on your mind when thinking about work, the family and household chores. Whatever it is, you must find out in order to overcome this hurdle. I must say I did take this advice. I felt bad that I was neglecting my husband, and although he has been nothing but patient with me, I felt that he was secretly disappointed. One night I just talked with him, and told him I don't feel sexual.

I don't feel like I did prior to the baby. My body is no longer a sexual being, it is now a dairy farm and that is just not sexy. Thinking about being intimate when I was just used for nourishment is very confusing. I don't have a switch that is turned off and on, although that would be so much easier. My husband was very receptive to my thoughts and concerns. Once you have reached that point it is very important to let your mate know what he can do to help and ladies, be specific. Think of the things that he use to do that got you excited. Whether it's sneaking a grab at your butt while in the store, or sneaking a kiss when he walks by, or sending text messages during the day, let him know. Talking this out can help him understand what you are going through and not feel rejected.

But ladies, don't leave it up to the guy to get you going. Sometimes we want to simply feel sexy without the thought of having to have sex. If that's the case, then you have to learn how to turn on that "sensual switch". Once the little one is down for the night (or maybe a few hours) put on a sexy lingerie and drink water, juice, or anything out of a wine glass. Your mate may not be around or already sleep, but it will help remind you that you do have a sensual side. If your mate is home, he may want to help bring that side out of you. Another idea is stop wearing your maternity clothes and/or under garments. I must tell you I have been so guilty of that. While pregnant, my maternity clothes made me feel good and sexy, but now the feeling is the complete opposite. Here a few more ideas:

• Belly dancing - it's a very sexy dance, and a great way to exercise. Exercise helps to boost your energy and your self confidence.
  
  
• Have a date night - it's very important that you and your mate remember the relationship between the two of you and continue to nourish that relationship. It's so easy to forget about that when caring for the kids.
  
  
• Just do it - Sometimes you need to just go ahead and put all your fears aside and do it.

Remember having sex is not to make your husband happy. The intimacy is needed for you as well. Mothers need to remember that they are not just mothers. They are Women and women love to feel sexy, sensual and intimate, too. It's another way to help take care of yourself and grow the sensual side of you. What do you do to bring that sensual woman out of you?

Felicia Pratt Ellis
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