There are generally two types of mindset when it comes to the prospect of being in a serious, loving relationship with someone. There are those who are quite content being independent and single, they perceive a relationship as a bonus, should someone special enter their life. They are quite self-sufficient and by no means need to have a relationship. They, by and large, are open the idea, should life bring them in that direction.

Then there are those who crave a relationship. They yearn for a relationship, to such an extreme, that they make an unwise choice that leads to sadness, dissatisfaction and broken hearts. The majority of the adult single population fit into the later way of thinking. Desiring a loving, nurturing and safe relationship, they do it: they settle.

Settling is entering into a relationship with a less than desirable mate for the sake of escaping the single life. It is quite common and only inevitably leads down a road of frustration. Caught up in the swirl of desperately trying to find "the one" and the constant ticking of the clock reminding people that they are getting older by the moment, can cause this to happen.

If one settles for a less than pleasing relationships out of the fear of being single and the longing to be a couple, once the relationships falter, the result will be a life full of heartaches. If choosing to remain in the relationship, it will certainly lead to living a life that is not the one truthfully desired. If a person has had a string of broken hearts or is very unsatisfied in their relationship, looking at this from the standpoint of being responsible for whom you choose to be with in a relationship, may bring new perspective to the possibility of settling. If settling is occurring, identifying this as the underlying problem, a person can take preventive measures.

Let us look deeper into the reasons of why one settles. We are raised to believe that the ideal life is one in which we fall in love, marry and then have usually have children. Creating our own family and growing old with our soul mate is instilled in our minds from a very young age. As we enter our late teenage years and early twenties, we are usually weaving our way through relationships, trying to decipher what type of person best fits our needs to sustain a healthy and loving relationship. If a person does not find a truly compatible mate, one that fulfills their emotional and physical needs, provides love, understanding, concern and support through life's difficulties, it is at this time that one may opt to settle.

There are several aspects involved when one settles. A person may not even realize that they are indeed settling. Fed up with breakups and longing for a stable relationship, a person may settle for a less than compatible relationship. In the beginning of the relationship, this person will feel a temporary relief from the difficulties of being single. With the stereotype of being single in their past, they will enter a relationship full force. Ignoring red flag warnings, and dismissing any subconscious doubts, this person will remain in the relationship until it falls apart. The relationship may be stormy, as a result of an false connection, or it may be a rather peaceful relationship but lacking the strong and powerful love that one deserves.

Settling may bring temporary happiness, however the key word is temporary. When a person is in a relationship that is not the ideal one for them, they are choosing to close off the option of finding true love. This is not fair to the either person in the relationship. We all desire love. We all desire for someone to care for us above all else. We all desire the feeling of being safe and secure in the arms of another. Setting does not produce those results.

If realizing that you are settling, ask yourself this: Do you wish to spend your time in a relationship that is doomed or will bring you limited satisfaction? If entering into one relationship after another with people that you know do not possess the qualities that you are ultimately seeking, do you wish to continue doing so, knowing it will lead to disappointment when the relationship ends?

We all possess the capability to set reasonable expectations in a future mate. Looking into our hearts, we know what type of person will fulfill our needs. Remaining single and waiting to meet someone that will provide you with a truly loving relationship is wise. You should be pleased that you are abiding to your standards. Falsely believing that continuing to remain single is such a dreadful choice, and settling is the option you choose, you will be losing the prospect of truly enjoying your life bonded with someone you undoubtedly love.

©2006

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