When a man has stopped contacting you, should you send him an email telling him that you have moved on?

Carmen's boyfriend has stopped contacting her. She says, "I haven't contacted him now for a few days, which will probably give him a surprise, because for the past couple of months, I have run after him.

"When I first met him I was strong, smart ,and independent and he liked that about me. But once he told me how much he wanted me, I opened up to him about MY feelings and that was a big mistake, because then HE backed off!!

"I would like to be strong and get my head together and get across to him that I am NOT going to run after him anymore and that I don't just sit around waiting to hear from him," said Carmen.

So Carmen prepared a long email to her ex, telling him that she had moved on. However, it's usually a mistake to send a wayward boyfriend an email to help yourself get "closure."

When you send a man an email to tell him that you have moved on - especially when he is ignoring you - you are telling him loud and clear that you have not moved on. You are still nowhere near over this guy - or else you would not feel any need to write him. You still have strong feelings for him, even though your words say otherwise.

Men usually don't like long emails. Actions speak louder than words - so the best way to show him you have moved on is to leave him completely alone. Email should not be for this kind of communication, either - for LOTS of reasons.

It's not a good idea, in my opinion, to send an ex an "I'm doing great now" email. What would you think if you got exactly that email from someone you broke up with whom you had treated the way this guy has been treating you? It would sound a little pathetic, wouldn't it? That's how it will sound to HIM.

Please don't talk yourself into sending it for your OWN sake, for "closure." I know how that goes - women do this all the time: "I don't care what HE thinks of my email. I'm not sending it for him. I'm sending it for me - for closure." You want closure? Well, that's not the way to get it!

When he IGNORES this big effort you have put into your email with your time and your emotions - while you are telling yourself you don't care about him anymore - you WILL feel hurt, and you will regret sending that email.

It's completely unnecessary to put yourself through that.

If you want to forget a man, then leave him alone. If you want to make him start thinking about you again, then don't send him an email - instead get word to him from someone else that another guy is really interested in you!

All this time you are spending on him, you could be meeting new people who will appreciate you. After all, he did, so other men will too.

I know how hard it is when you really care about someone and it ends. But you CAN get past that. Later on, you will see him in a completely different light - you can count on that!

When this man calls you again - which is a lot more likely to happen if you don't send that email - put him on "Relationship Rations" (TM). That means you won't see him too often. Give him a chance to start appreciating you again.

But better yet, give someone else a chance so you can get some much-needed perspective.

Mimi Tanner
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