Make the Most of "Mistakes"
It's so easy to feel embarrassed and humiliated by the dumb stuff we all do. You've no doubt tried to hide the evidence that would expose you. And every one of us has lied to cover up our mishaps. But what about turning moments that might be thought of as mistakes into part of your intimate family history? The other day Judith decided she would make lamb stew. But she didn't have any flour to thicken her concoction. So she thought by mashing up some of the cooked potatoes and putting that into the mix it would do the job. Well, it didn't. So what she ended up with was a pretty runny mix. She told Jim about her experiment and then served him what was a kind of stew and sort of like soup. So Jim started calling it "stoup." Lamb stoup. Now "stoup" is part of our intimate history and an endearment that will be with us for a long time. And then another time Jim used an antique piano stool he'd bought for Judith as a step stool to fix a window blind. Oops! The mahogany seat cracked and it now wobbled when Judith sat on it to do her make-up. At first she couldn't understand what had caused the damage, but then she put two and two together -- and voila! -- she'd solved the puzzle. Now, she had to reconcile her anger at the broken piano stool with her compassion for Jim's naivete about how delicate some things can be. The answer -- to remember that it all came from love -- both the gift of the stool and the crack that happened while Jim was lovingly fixing the blind. So she decided to get it fixed so it won't wobble anymore but keep the crack -- because every time she sees the crack she sees how much Jim's behavior is motivated by love. And so the cracked piano stool is also part of our family's romantic lore. How can you see your foibles as simply human, sometimes pretty funny, sometimes a lot of aggravation, but just human--and love your humanity while you fix the problem as well as you can? And how can you get creative and make the most loving tribute out of your sweetheart's mistakes? After all, they're just "mistakes." Stop the frustration of the dating game and check out Judith & Jim's dating revolution in a box - Smart Dating for Success Every Time - Guaranteed! ©2006 Show All Articles By Judith Sherven, Ph.D. & Jim Sniechowski, Ph.DLove Made Simple
What have you done for love?Are you like many men and women -- single or married -- who twist and turn themselves inside out trying to match what they think love is SUPPOSED TO BE? That great SUPPOSED TO BE -- that's supposed to exist out there somewhere - that everybody chases but no one seems to find. That great SUPPOSED TO BE -- that's supposed to bring you happiness for a lifetime - but causes too many men and women to end up whispering - "Is this all there is?" That great SUPPOSED TO BE -- that you know - you just know - that if you ever got it - everything would be okay. You tell yourself that's what you really believe . . . REALLY . . . Except . . . in the shadows of the night . . . When you wonder if that's all just an illusion . . . a story you tell yourself to get by. Is love supposed to be so complicated?That's what soap operas sell. Complexity. Drama. Intrigue. Tension. The more twists and turns the better . . . Sadly that's what many men and women believe love is and should be. They live their lives as soap operas and, just like in the soaps, love is usually the source of most of their pain. Is that how it is for you? Is your experience of love a gnarly maze of feelings and thoughts, held together by hopes and wishes? Or is love something other people have but not you? "I'm in a pretty good marriage," you say, "and this all sounds so extreme." Sure, it may sound that way to you . . . But what about those moments when you and your partner crash into blind spots . . . Out in the wilderness of your relationship where you haven't got things worked out yet . . . Something you haven't been paying attention to erupts. Like a volcano. And you're left with a tangled mess you need to unravel. Order LOVE MADE SIMPLE |
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