When your relationship or marriage is going downhill, you have to learn to take time to pause, ponder over your relationship circumstance, and look for solution instead of mistakes.

Whatever you do, focus on holding tight to your partner's hand, so that he or she will not be beaten by the destructive forces that are coming their way and hurting the relationship.

It is well for us to understand that genuine love is not a simple, definite feeling that can be easily comprehended and controlled.

It is a delicate compound of many of our most powerful tendencies and emotions. To love is not a simple or voluntary act; it is a life of spontaneous, complex and continuous activities.

True love between man and woman may manifest itself suddenly, forcefully and almost simultaneously in the consciousness of each. There is no doubt that many couples mutually "fall in love at first sight." On the other hand, genuine love may be a matter of slow growth, requiring months to unfold and years to mature.

Some of the most delightful marriage unions known have resulted from a slowly developing love. Some persons are very susceptible to the charms of physical beauty or to the attractions of character, and immediately surrender to them when opportunity offers.

Others are slow to receive impressions, distrustful or appearances and cautious in all that pertains to so important a matter.

Many relationship cases of "love at first sight", with almost an immediate marriage, have proven entirely harmonious; but such spontaneous and rapid alliances are comparatively rare, and more rarely satisfactory.

As a rule, it is much wiser for young couples, even though they may feel irresistibly drawn toward each other, to meet many times under various circumstances before concluding that they are really so completely in love with each other as to marry.

Frequent meetings, with opportunities for a careful study of each other's tastes and peculiarities, the inevitable friction of mind with mind in repeated conversations, and such disclosures of principles, desires and habits as will inevitably result from repeated association and increased knowledge of each other's ambitions and deepest longings.

For myself, the occasional accidental or prearranged meetings with my partner and long time friend, when are deeply interested in each other and dreaming of love - the walks and rides taken together, the public gatherings attended in each other's company - all contribute not only to an increased knowledge of each other's character, but also tend to harmonize and blend our tastes, principles, purposes.

When things went wrong, I often asked myself, "What exactly happened when he strays? What exactly contributed to our conflicts when everything seemed to be going so well for us? What had I done to allow another person to come into our lives so easily and quickly??"

I've come to a conclusion.

And my discoveries could well give you some insights which you can adopt and adapt to your own relationship circumstances.

I've discovered I myself cannot help but be attracted to another person who can confirm my doubts, fears and suspicions.

In fact, if there is one other person who can grab my attention and remove my focus away from my mate, this WILL be a person who knows this unusual and little known secret.

You do not need to take a great deal of time to understand this secret. In fact, it has often been used by leaders who can persuade and motivate large masses of people. It could also have been used by one of your closest friends, on YOU!

Now, think about this, in your daily life, are you saying all of these or behaving in these ways during your interaction with your partner/spouse:

~ When your mate claims that he (she) is tired, instead of assessing the situation, do you immediately and impatiently blame him/her for being lazy or inconsiderate?

~ When your mate expresses his/her fear of giving that big presentation for the company the next day, do you ask him/her to just get over it and work hard on polishing the speech tonight?

~ When your partner complains to you about the unfair treatment he/she is receiving from the vendor from whom he has bought his ipod, do you say "serves you right for not listening to my advice about buying from that vendor", or, do you say "well, he needs to do business", and then you proceed to give him some "moral" lessons which he can take away with him tonight?

I certainly have made all these mistakes.

By dismissing my partner's feelings, doubts, fears or even suspicions, I leave myself (and my partner) vulnerable to my rivals who knowingly (or unknowingly) are able to make use of these simple principles.

Many parents too have made this mistake with their children, perhaps unknowingly. I remembered when I told my mother that "I'm scared of the test tomorrow"; she gave me a scolding, for not working hard for my test earlier. "You wouldn't feel unprepared and fearful if you had done your work!" was all she could say.

Naturally, I found myself listening more to my friends and classmates than to her. If I confided in my friends with the same statement, they would tell me, "Look. It won't be easy. I'm not well prepared too. But, WE can do something about it!"

If you take some time to think about it, it wouldn't be difficult to understand why I would listen more to my friends than to my parents. I got the feeling "hey, we are on the same boat! YOU are the only one who understands me (my feelings!)"

My friends have more power over me than my parents. And all the while my parents are puzzled why "I'm so disobedient!"

This also explains why people leave long term relationships and marriages for another person who are able to "understand them" better than their current partners!

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