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Are You Letting Love Change You?

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Because there are always two distinctly different people in any relationship and because change is a fundamental part of life, your relationship will never stay firmly, predictably in place. Never. UNLESS you both die emotionally and settle for dullsville.

When you really get this, or "grok" it as Robert Heinlein said, then you can begin to enjoy and look forward to the many seasons your long-term relationships will go through.

This is very similar to the flowing changes in the local wild flowers here. Every week or two some of them are fading and altogether new shapes and colors and sizes are erupting with gleeful abandon. This riotous infusion of new life into the already living, the dying off of that which is now beyond its time -- brings us such delight as we take our morning walks down our road.

We've speculated on what it would be like if they all came into their season at the same time. It would be difficult to appreciate them as independently wonderful expressions of God's creativity -- they would all be just alike. And it would be just one thing -- there would be no progression and development to the spectacle.

Sadly, so many people want their relationships set in stone right from the beginning -- no surprises, no growth, no unfolding. But life and love are not like that. The blessing of real life love is that each of us keeps growing if we stay open to the lessons of love and then our relationships can never be boring, never beyond improvement, never without further depths of love to discover.

Enjoy all the seasons -- even when you are too hot, too cold, and certainly even when your love life isn't going according to your private plan. At all times, know that love is taking you where it needs you to go!



©2006

Show All Articles By Judith Sherven, PhD and Jim Sniechowski, PhD



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Love Made Simple

Love Made Simple Collection Photo

What have you done for love?

Are you like many men and women -- single or married -- who twist and turn themselves inside out trying to match what they think love is SUPPOSED TO BE?

That great SUPPOSED TO BE -- that's supposed to exist out there somewhere -

that everybody chases but no one seems to find.

That great SUPPOSED TO BE -- that's supposed to bring you happiness for a lifetime -

but causes too many men and women to end up whispering - "Is this all there is?"

That great SUPPOSED TO BE -- that you know - you just know - that if you ever got it - everything would be okay.

You tell yourself that's what you really believe . . . REALLY . . .

Except . . . in the shadows of the night . . .

When you wonder if that's all just an illusion . . . a story you tell yourself to get by.

Is love supposed to be so complicated?

That's what soap operas sell.

Complexity. Drama. Intrigue. Tension. The more twists and turns the better . . .

Sadly that's what many men and women believe love is and should be.

They live their lives as soap operas and, just like in the soaps, love is usually the source of most of their pain.

Is that how it is for you?

Is your experience of love a gnarly maze of feelings and thoughts, held together by hopes and wishes?

Or is love something other people have but not you?

"I'm in a pretty good marriage," you say, "and this all sounds so extreme."

Sure, it may sound that way to you . . .

But what about those moments when you and your partner crash into blind spots . . .

Out in the wilderness of your relationship where you haven't got things worked out yet . . .

Something you haven't been paying attention to erupts. Like a volcano. And you're left with a tangled mess you need to unravel.

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