If you've been in a serious relationship for while, it's likely that jealousy has reared its ugly head once or twice. Perhaps you feel that your husband has spent too much time working with a female coworker lately or have noticed a woman in his office laughing at his jokes and touching his arm a bit too often. Or perhaps your wife or girlfriend attracts too much male attention and it just makes your blood boil. No matter what the cause, jealousy is a strong and powerful human emotion that can quickly wreak havoc on your relationship if you don't get it under control.

Jealousy in relationships doesn't often pop up and become an all-encompassing beast overnight. It's natural for everyone to feel jealous once in a while. What's not natural is allowing jealousy to take over your life. Someone who is insecure about themselves or whose ex cheated on them is more likely to feel jealous than someone who is confident and hasn't been burned. It quickly goes downhill from there. Insecurity makes people less trusting and more suspicious. Perceived threats and slights can quickly built into something big and ugly.

Consider a hypothetical couple, William and Jane. William's last girlfriend was unfaithful and he has never truly healed from the pain she caused him. He and Jane have been together for 6 months now and have a good relationship. The only problem is that William is intensely jealous. He controls Jane's relationships with her male co-workers and limits her time with male friends. He feels very upset when she talks with other men or when other men approach and compliment her. Jane initially thought his protectiveness was cute. Now, however, it's beginning to feel a bit suffocating. She wonders why William refuses to trust her! Jane begins to pull back from the relationship, which only causes William to suspect something is wrong and become even more possessive and jealous. This is not a good situation!

No one wants a controlling, jealous mate. While you may simply believe that you're protecting your relationship by being jealous, you're causing a lot of damage.

It's not impossible to overcome a jealous nature if you're willing to put forth a bit of hard work for the good of your relationship. The first step is admitting that you have a problem and discovering the root of the problem. Jealousy stems from a wide array of reasons: abandonment issues, fear of being shamed, fear of being wronged, fear of loss of love, and so much more. Become aware of your core issue and strive to overcome this. Tell yourself that your concern is simply not true and that you will be greater than your fear. You must allow your wounds to heal. This will take time. If you do not overcome your fears, than the same insecurities and pain will creep into any future relationships you may have. This is not something you can run away from. Jealousy must be addressed.

Jealousy is a primal human instinct that has caused problems since the dawn of time. Do you remember the story of Cain and Abel? Their jealousy was so great that it ended in a lost life and a shattered family. Jealousy between lovers is equally as toxic to the life of their relationship. If you struggle with jealousy, today's the day to recognize your failing and stand up for slaying your monsters.

Bob Grant
©2011

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