Most people have experienced jealousy at one point or another in their lives. It's a natural human emotion, but also one that can be very damaging. If left unchecked, jealousy will become a raging beast that wrecks havoc on anything and anyone in its path. It destroys relationships, tears apart friendships, and damages families. If you are experiencing jealousy, it's time to re-evaluate your life and come up with a game plan. Today's the day to get over your jealousy, or at least begin the journey.

Uncover the Underlying Issues

The first step toward getting over jealousy is to uncover the underlying issues. Next time you feel the pangs of jealousy, become an observer. Who is around you? What is going on? Where are you? When is this happening? Why is this occurring and why are you reacting in this manner? Look at your situation as objectively as possible and write down your observations. Over a period of time, you may begin to recognize some patterns. Perhaps you only feel jealous when a particular woman is around. Is there a reason for this, or is your reaction unwarranted? That's for you to decide.

Remove Jealousy Triggers

Once you understand your jealousy triggers, it'll be easier to address them. If at all possible, remove your jealousy triggers. If you experience the anger and anxiety of jealousy every time you and your boyfriend eat out at Hooters, stop going there. Choose another location where you won't have to worry about the skimpy clothes and large-bosomed ladies attracting your man's eye. If you have a bad feeling about a female friend you and your man hang out with collectively and suspect she has alternative motives, stop hanging out with her. If you remove the trigger, you remove the reaction.

Analyze the Problem

Of course, it won't always be possible to remove the jealousy trigger. You can't expect your husband to quit his job because he has to work with an attractive, professional woman or for her to be fired either. That's just not reasonable. If you can't get rid of the problem, it's time for some open and honest analysis. Does this person pose a true threat? Have you found hard evidence (texts, notes, receipts, etc) that indicate an affair? If so, gather your evidence, put together your case, and confront your partner. If there is no proof of anything illicit, back off a bit. Keep an eye on the situation but don't be obsessive or controlling. If there is nothing going on, there's nothing for you to stress over.

Let Go of the Little Stuff

Perhaps the single most important piece of advice you'll ever hear when it comes to getting over jealousy is this: Learn to let go. Your partner won't always act exactly as you'd like him too. If he's not blatantly flirting or having an affair, try to let it go. He likely didn't mean anything. Don't overanalyze everything he does and blow up at the small things. If you become more controlling each time he so much as speaks with another woman, you are being counterproductive. By trying to keep him all to yourself, you're suffocating him and causing him to pull away from the relationship. Instead, let little things go. It may be hard sometimes, but you can do it!

Bob Grant
©2011

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