Your break up has put your world is in a shambles. Your way of life has taken a major turn. All that made you secure and happy is gone.

I know you've heard a thousand times that "time heals all wounds", but that doesn't help much right now does it?

You are hurting and want to get over the pain now, not listen to a bunch of phrases that have no meaning to you at the moment.

I'll bet that you are remembering all the wonderful times you had together along with the hopes and dreams you had for the future and you just don't want to lose what you had.

Somehow you have to focus on creating a great future without him. I think you know this but it seems impossible to do, but I can tell you from my own personal experience that it can be done.

Yes, I've been through it and I know how you are feeling.

You will find that there are five major stages you will go through in the process of getting over your break up.

Everyone experiences them to one degree or another. Recognizing each of them as they come around and knowing that it is a normal process can be helpful in dealing with it.

This is just a brief introduction to each of them with links to more detailed articles.

Stage 1: Denial

If you catch yourself thinking that the break up is only temporary and that he's going to come back you are in the denial stage.

Stop right there, get busy doing something else and push these thoughts from your mind. Don't let your imagination get the better of you.

The less time you focus on getting back together the less often they will pop into your mind.

See How To Get Over A Break Up - The Denial Stage

Stage 2: Anger

You will find yourself being angry from time to time. Anger at him, anger at yourself , anger over the break up and even anger at the world in general.

It's normal and you need to experience it. The problem comes when it gets out of hand and starts to effect you and the people around you.

When it happens get out for a brisk walk and work it off.

See How To Get Over A Break Up - The Anger Stage

Stage 3: Bargaining

You start to play the "what if game". Asking yourself what if I'd done this differently or what if I had behaved this way.

You are just beating yourself up. You can't change the past.

When you find yourself doing this use it constructively. Examine your what if's and see if there is something about yourself you really want to change.

If you find something then start working on making the change. If it's something you really don't want to change then let it go.

See How To Get Over A Break Up - The Bargaining Stage

Stage 4: Depression

You will get depressed, in fact it will happen a lot.

You wouldn't want to do anything other than sit around the house and mope.

It's alright to feel depressed once in a while, but you can't let it take over you life.

Force yourself to get out and do something.

One of the best cures for depression is exercise. Join a gym, or play a sport. Even better is to get the exercise with a good friend that can make you laugh.

See How To Get Over A Break Up - The Depression Stage

Stage 5: Acceptance

This is just the opposite of denial. You've accepted the fact that he's not coming back and are ready to move on.

You will find yourself going through the other stages from time to time, but rest assured that once you've accepted your break up you are well on your way to recovery.

See How To Get Over A Break Up - The Acceptance Stage

As I said, you will find yourself slipping back and forth through each of these stages from time to time, and you have to allow yourself to experience them, but with each occurrence the intensity and duration of them will be a little less.

I know you may find it hard to believe at the moment, but there will come a time when you are over the break up and leading a happy normal life.

There's a book available for download that you may be interested in reading. It was written to help you decide if you should leave, but it is also very helpful to help you deal with your break up even if you weren't the one that left.

Check out Life After What's-His-Name

Gary Caine
©2009

Show All Articles By Gary Caine