You know he's gone, but you keep hoping that he will come back. You fantasize how things will be after this temporary break up is over.

• You know what you did wrong and how you intend to behave in the future when he comes back.


• You just know that he really does love you and he will eventually miss you and come back.


• You catch yourself thinking he's going to come through the door any moment.


• You wonder if he's going to like the new dress you just bought.


• You are reluctant to change anything in the house because that's the way he liked them.


• You call him, or think about calling him to ask for his opinion before you make any decisions.

These are all signs that you are in the denial stage of a break up, and everyone goes through them.

I know I certainly did. Every time the phone rang I expected it to be her. I wouldn't make even the slightest change in the house. I found myself doing simple tasks the way she did them even if I thought my way was easier.

I was denying the fact that the life I was used to was over, and that I was free to do things anyway I wanted to.

I wouldn't accept our breakup even though I knew I had to.

I'm sorry but wishing, dreaming and hoping will not put an end to your break up. All it's doing is delaying your recovery.

Here's some suggestions to help you past this stage.

First and foremost take off your wedding ring. You will find that this hurts but it is something you really should do.

Take down any pictures you have of the two of you, and if you can't bring yourself to destroy them at least put them out of sight.

Get any of his personal possessions out of the house. Don't take them to him yourself. Either mail them or if they are too bulky get a friend to take them for you. Don't use this as an excuse to see him.

Rearrange the furniture, change the bed coverings, put new pictures up.

Find something new and exciting to do like scuba diving, dance lessons, golf. Whatever as long as it's not something you did together.

Select a goal you've always wanted to achieve but somehow never got around to do and get started on it.

Get your hair done, buy some new clothes if you can afford them and make some small changes to the way you look.

The idea is to make some small changes to your life so that you can accept the major change of living without him. Do things that make you feel better about yourself.

A word of warning. There will be times when you fully accept the break up and then without warning you will catch yourself slipping back into denial.

As with all the stages of getting over a break up this one will come and go, but as long as you recognize it and take steps to eliminate it each occurrence will be a little less intense.

I know that right now you feel like your world has come tumbling down on you and you will never be happy again.

Take it from someone who's personally been there and has helped a lot of friends get past their break ups - there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Denial is only one of the major stages you need to go through to get over your break up. Do you know what the rest of them are? Read How To Get Over A Break Up - 5 Major Stages

Gary Caine
©2009

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