I have to admit, when my boyfriend of several years decided he needed a break from our relationship, just about all I could think of was "How do I get my ex boyfriend back now?"

I was as stressed out as any other woman would be in that situation, but when I really sat down to think about it, I saw there were basically three different answers to the old question of "How do I get my ex boyfriend back?" I've listed them all for you here.

Option #1: Go to him

If you've just broken up, this is probably the method your heart's telling you - no, screaming for you - to use. You want to drive down to his house with French maid's outfit and a bottle of massage oil and apologize, beg, and bat your eyelashes until he forgives you.

Unfortunately, next to actually running over his dog, this is probably the very best way to make sure the break up is final. It makes you look emotionally unstable and like someone who can't really handle life on their own.

Sometimes those tearful, lovelorn pleas work on us gals, but they usually have the opposite effect on men, who aren't as comfortable with open displays of emotion as we are. For this reason, even a little thing like sending a mushy love letter is just a bad idea. That's why I decided this wasn't the answer to the question of how do I get my ex boyfriend back.

Option #2: Let him come to you!

No! I don't mean sitting by the phone all night praying for him to call. I mean going about your life as if you'd never met Mr. what's-his-name, only stopping to let any mutual friend of yours know that you're still single and theoretically willing to speak to your ex.

If you honestly think your guy will soon come to realize what a mistake it was to let you go (eg. he's done this before), you're probably safe with this route. Otherwise, though, it's fairly risky.

You're counting on the fact that he's still thinking about you when in fact he could be off on Caribbean cruise thinking about anything but his ex girlfriend.

Option #3: Work through friends!

Recruiting mutual friends to help in reuniting you and your guy is not only effective, it's also a perfectly respectable, unlike the French maid outfit thing. The reason this works is because his friends will be able to frame your outpouring of longing in the way your guy can relate to and, more importantly, that doesn't freak him out.

The trick here is to choose one and only one of his friends to help you out. Don't start calling everyone whose number you have in hopes of overwhelming him with attacks from all sides.

You'll both dilute the effect and make yourself look desperate. Just pick one friend and ask if they'd been willing to convey a message to your ex. If they are, be as open an honest as you can be about what happened and how you're feeling.

I can tell you, sitting home wondering "How do I get my ex boyfriend back?" won't do you much good. Ultimately, you have the best chance of winning him back by enlisting a friend of his for help. But, you can improve on the options above by seeking the advice of a professional relationship therapist.

Brian Bold
©2011

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