Waxing means different things to men and women. For men, the word waxing conjures up images of shiny cars glinting in the sun. Or men may picture freshly waxed surfboards crashing into the waves. For women waxing means yet another crazy way to try to look good.

I've never had a wax job... until last week. Sure, I wondered about it. I thought it would be great to go weeks without having to shave. I almost bought a home waxing kit until I read the instructions and realized I'd have to apply hot wax to my leg and rip it off. I imagined what it would be like to go to a salon and have it done professionally - surely they would have a better method.

Last week I got a flier from a new salon that had just opened near my house. They advertised a "virtually" painless bikini wax and offered a very low introductory price. I was intrigued by the "virtually" painless description. And at those prices, I decided to also get my eyebrows waxed - and maybe even try a lip wax for the few teensy weeny little dark hairs that occasionally show up above my mouth. Of course they're hardly noticeable at all, but I thought I would try it anyway.

I went to my appointment and met Kimmie, a fast-paced woman who seemed to be rather enthusiastically using all the products in the salon. I asked her what made the waxing "virtually" painless and she explained that she used a special wax that wasn't so sticky so it didn't pull the skin when it came off. That made sense to me until she quickly slathered hot wax below my eyebrows and yanked it off. It's true that it didn't stick to the skin, but there was nothing "virtually" painless about having lots of little hairs pulled out by the roots. "Yowww!"

Then I realized why it was a good thing that I hadn't tried waxing at home. I would have done one eyebrow and after the pain had subsided, I would not have had the nerve to do the other one. I would have ended up lopsided.

"Very good," said Kimmie in a falsely cheery voice as I blinked back the tears in my eyes. "Now we'll do your lips." That was even more painful. I decided that I really didn't mind a few dark hairs.

I should have stopped her there. I rationalized that I had already done the eyebrows & lips, how bad could the bikini wax be? After all, I could deal with pain - I had gone through childbirth. Kimmie smiled and said, "Now this may sting a little more." And she was right. I can't understand why millions of women voluntarily go through this torture every year. Kimmie kept up a constant stream of chatter while she slathered me with wax and I yelped in pain. I managed to keep up my end of the conversation when I wasn't gritting my teeth. The good part was that Kimmie seemed to want to get this over with as quickly as possible. And so did I.

At the end, Kimmie asked me if I wanted to schedule an appointment to get my entire legs waxed. She said they were offering a special price. I declined and thought to myself, you'd have to tie me up and drug me before I'd even consider it. When waxing is really painless, then I'll go back. Until then, shaving seems almost fun in comparison.

Laura Browne
©2006

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