When you first suspect your partner of cheating, even thinking about your partner with another person can cause unbearable pain. Adding to this the fact that your partner may go to a lot of trouble to hide any evidence, knowing for sure that he or she is humiliating you is even more difficult.

A number of frustrated spouses write in to me in desperation, against a brick wall when it comes to finding any evidence of infidelity. Partners delete incoming call lists, cellphone history, password-protect their computers, and setup private bank accounts that are impossible to track. They may disappear overnight or for several days, with no trace of where they have been or a viable explanation. For some people, the cheating partner almost seems invincible, waving their infidelity in the face of their partner, smug in their successful efforts in destroying and eliminating all damning evidence.

At this level it can almost become a power game, and for those people left struggling to make sense of what has happened, the infidelity is now only one part of a long chain of humiliations. Without sufficient proof, the cheating partner continues their behavior, defying anyone to prove otherwise.

But in looking at this, is there any hope? What do these people need to do to find the proof they need that their partner is cheating? How does a partner in need bring this to some sort of closure?

Conclusive proof may be only a click away:

http://www.catchspousecheating.com

Instead of focusing on the act of cheating, it may be helpful here to focus on the wider issues of lack of respect, hostility, humility, and arrogance. Instead of focusing on the cheating behavior, greater benefit may be derived through taking a step away from that and focusing on the motivation.

• What motivates your partner to be secretive?
• What motivates your partner to delete information from their phones?
• What motivates them to ignore your pain, and not answer your fears with love and reassurance?
• Does it take your attention away from having to deal with the bigger issues in your marriage?
• Do you need irrefutable proof to believe it is happening?
• Do you need an excuse to leave the marriage?

You don't need proof of cheating to know your marriage is in trouble. Sometimes the ability to step back and examine the atmosphere of distrust in your marriage is enough to realize that things are horribly wrong. It may be about more than just cheating. If your relationship is in trouble, what has your partner done lately to demonstrate their love for you?

If your partner is keeping secrets from you and deleting information, instead of focusing on the proof lost, focus on the action. Why do they need to delete details? Focusing on the motivations instead of the proof may bring you closer to the answers you are seeking.

Sarah Paul
©2009

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