Dating after divorce involves not just finding a good partner for your future, but also a good partner for your kids. This is a new dimension to dating that adds quite a twist. You may find someone you really like, only to find out they are horrible with kids. Bad fit!!!

Now of course, dating isn't always about finding a new life partner, but honestly, why would you want to spend time with someone if you know they will never care for your kids? Here are some things to look for in a dating partner to make sure they are a good fit for both you and your kids:

Giving of themselves - You don't want to be with someone who is selfish and only into themselves. They won't have anything to offer your kids, let alone you. Look for signs of generosity while you spend time together. Do they tip well when you eat out? Do they take the time to think about you and your needs?

Enjoys acting like a kid - You don't want a "stuffed shirt", overly serious person. Kids are silly and playful. You don't want to squelch that childish spirit. Pay attention for a sense of humor. Do they easily smile? Do they take everything too serious or can they laugh at themselves?

Are they flexible - Any parent learns early on that it's unrealistic to be rigid with kids. You may have been before the kids came along, but they will force you to change is become flexible. That is the only way to be a successful parent. Here are some clues to your partner's flexibility: How do they react if plans have to change suddenly? If something doesn't go the way they expected, how do they respond?

Ok with a mess - Kids are messy. They spill things, leave them laying around the house and have to constantly be reminded to pick up after themselves. These are pretty normal kid behaviors. There are some people who just can't handle the clutter. This guarantees difficulty with kids. Look for signs of this in the way they keep their car, and house. Is everything perfect? Do they seem uncomfortable if the place setting at a restaurant isn't just so?

First and foremost, dating should be fun. Enjoy yourself, but keep in mind that if this relationship proceeds you will be introducing them to your kids. If you feel like that won't be a good fit for any of you, you're probably better keeping that relationship to just a friendship. The worst thing you can do is try to force it. If you know they aren't good with kids and assume that over time they'll change - good luck.

You may be asking, "How do I get started?" There are two answers: education and support.

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Alyssa Johnson at Remarriage Success
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