Dating after divorce is quite a bit different than it was the last time you were out there. You have a bit more baggage to carry around with you this time. For starters, there probably weren't children in the equation last time. Then you've got all the feelings left over from the fact that your marriage ended. With all of this extra stuff it's important to be very clear about what you're looking for once you make up your mind to date. Just finding the time to go on a date may be quite an event so don't waste it, do some prep work. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Avoid a blind date - If your friends think they've got the perfect person for you that's great. Why do you have to go through the trouble of finding a sitter or using up your free weekend meeting a complete stranger who could be a total dud? Instead, utilize the technology available to you. Spend some time talking on the phone or emailing to get to know one another a little. These can save you precious time and money if you realize within the first conversation that you don't click.

2. Make sure you're ready - Don't go on a date just because your friends and family are pressuring you to "get back out there." Make sure you decide on your own time schedule. The last thing you want to do is wind up sobbing during the middle of dinner with your date because all you can think of is your ex-spouse.

3. Are they good with kids? - I'm not suggesting having your kids tag along during your date, but why waste your time going out with someone who doesn't like kids or have any desire to include children in their life? You're a package deal, right? You might really hit it off with this person only to find that you've invested time, energy and emotion into a relationship that will go nowhere.

4. Know who you're looking for and why - A lot of people look for the complete opposite of their ex-spouse in dating partners. In an attempt to protect themselves from experiencing pain similar to their divorce, they assume the exact opposite will keep them safe. Not true. That was one experience with one person. Don't assume that all blond women are cheaters or all men who work in human resources will wind up leaving you.

5. Stick to your non-negotiables no matter what - There are traits we look for in dating partners that are non-negotiable. For example if your faith is important to you, you may require that anyone you are in a relationship has the same faith and values as you. Too many times, divorced parents get so desperate to be in a relationship, they push those non-negotiables to the side just for the sake of going on a date. What happens in you aren't true to who you authentically are.

Dating is supposed to be fun, right? So do some prep work and then enjoy yourself. Even if it's a lousy date, there's the potential you can laugh about how silly it was with friends tomorrow.

Alyssa Johnson at Remarriage Success
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