Dating after divorce can be nerve wrecking for some. A lot of things and questions can cross your mind. Is this the right time? Am I really ready? Are my children going to be alright if I date? Should I tell my date I have kids? Can I still find a decent man/woman as a divorcee? Questions like this are normal, to doubt yourself, to be scared and to be overly anxious to go back in the dating are typical reactions but don't let this get the best of you. Dating after divorce can be fun and can keep you back on track.

There are some points you have to remember though before going out and start meeting people. One is you should have enough time to heal and have somehow moved on. Having too much emotional baggage can ruin any possibility of meeting new prospect. Your bitterness and anger toward the opposite sex might flare up making you prejudice and judgmental. Another point to remember before dating after divorce is if you have recovered your self esteem and emotional bruises- meaning you have learned to be comfortable with yourself again. Going out on a rendezvous with a bleeding self esteem can make you desperate and needy, plus it can create a negative mood, leaving an impression of a broken person and you don't want that.

The duration of healing is a very subjective matter. It varies from person to person and it also depends on the intensity of the past relationship. However, you know you have recovered from your past relationship when you have totally accepted your current situation and have forgiven yourself and your former spouse. You are now more cheerful and contented. If you are emotionally ready, dating after the divorce can be a great leverage to full recovery. Dating after divorce can be a lot of fun because you are now wiser and more careful. Just remember your limitations and tone down on high expectations.

Keep in mind that fewer expectations, less disappointments, if a second date is a possibility well and good but if not, move on. Keep the balance of taking care of yourself and of others. If there is one thing that you learned as a divorcee is not to give too much, too soon. Go out on a date once in a while but don't make it your life. Dating after divorce can be quite thrilling if you try to test different waters. No, I don't mean sleeping around and be promiscuous but to try going out with someone totally different from your type.

Relish the fun of mental stimulation. Experiment on meeting different kinds of people for new perspective. In dating after divorce, go slow and have reservations, don't go spilling your beans on the first date. Have a high regard on yourself by keeping your mystery and ambiguity. Develop your self respect by waiting for the worthy person to disclose yourself. It's important that you take your time and just enjoy your status of being single again, you owe yourself this. The world is your melting pot. Go out with single friends, go to places you haven't gone before, eat foods you haven't tasted before, do stuff you haven't done before.

This is the time to cease the moment so make the most out of it. Be diverse, be happy. Date.

Ruth Purple
©2009

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