How to Understand and Cope With an Attitude
by
Anne Ream For many years I felt uncomfortable when someone started talking about another person's "attitude". It always seemed as if the person talking was simply angry and wanted to make the other person change, often using their own angry, negative attitude. When the angry party exploded with "I don't like your attitude", it was as if they fully expected the other person to simply change their attitude. This did not make sense to me, so I've done a lot of thinking about what an attitude is. In cognitive/behavioral therapy courses I've learned that there is (1) a situation about which a person has (2) thoughts and (3) feelings, which result in (4) behaviors. So I asked the question "what part of that equation is an attitude?" It's not the situation, nor is it a thought or a feeling, so it must be behaviors. Indeed, an attitude is a set of small behaviors. An attitude is comprised of facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language that express an individuals thoughts and feelings. The problem is that no one can simply tell someone else to change his/her attitude and expect it to happen. Either the situation has to be changed or the people involved need to change their thoughts and feelings. Our behaviors (attitudes) come from our thoughts and feelings about a situation. Sometimes we can change the situation and negative attitudes will disappear. Usually we have to change our thoughts and feelings. And each individual has to change his/her own thoughts and feelings. No one can do this for another person. That is a lot easier said than done. Feelings just are and they give us important information. No one can tell another person how to feel. Feelings rise up within us according to what is going on around and within us. There is no such thing as a "wrong" or "bad" feeling. Everyone has a right to his/her feelings. Here is a basic, simple example; if someone approaches me with an angry look on their face and begins to yell at me, I will have my own natural feelings, which will be giving me important information. My feelings (anxious or afraid) will be suggesting that I should run away, fight back or defend myself in some manner. Our thoughts influence our feelings. If somebody is approaching me with an angry look on his/her face and I think, "Wow, they are angry at me" I will probably feel afraid. If, on the other hand, my thinking is more like, "I wonder what she/he is angry about" I will probably feel less afraid and more curious. Therefore my attitude/behaviors will be different than they would be if my thinking was, "wow, they are angry at me", and I felt more afraid. So how I think affects my feelings and my behaviors. All of that seems straightforward and simple. Situations usually are much more complex than that and involve long relationships, such as partner or parent-child relationships. The most important thing for everyone to be aware of is that the only person we have direct control of is ourselves. So, the main attitude to work on is our own. Although we can influence another person's attitude we cannot change it. Changing an attitude is the right and responsibility of the owner of the attitude. This is an individual's power. Article Source: EzineArticles.com/?expert=Anne_Ream 
Anne is a Board Certified Registered art therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor. Anne has been studying human development and relationships for over 45 years. She has been successfully working with families, in various capacities, for over 20 years. Her private practice is in the Mt. Airy section of Philadelphia PA. She specializes in helping people recover from various types of trauma, difficult changes and loss. Anne has an unusual ability to connect with children and adolescents, along with their parents. Parenting is the most important job we ever do, yet no one shows us how to do it or gives us the support we need. Anne has successfully coached many parents through a variety of critical stages in their children's lives. Annes greatest joy is helping people understand themselves and each other. Anne Ream ©2008 Show All Articles By Anne Ream |
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