Making The Connection
Tips For Getting Noticed
Chances are that you have had a wide variety of experiences in your quest for meeting
singles. These can range from an event that yields several nice interactions and at least
one offer to get together for a date, to going home feeling frustrated and convinced you
are destined to be a dating failure.
If you had made a note of your mood, your general attitude, your level of comfort, (and
other related factors) after each experience, you would have some very useful information.
For the attributes you carry along with you to these social gatherings will have a
great impact on the outcome of each.
The following are tips for helping you to present the best you to others. As you read each,
do a quick inventory of how you rate in that area. It's always helpful to ask friends to
weigh in with their observations. The more information, the better.
1. Present yourself as confident and in possession of a healthy self-esteem.
In general, people are attracted to those who appear confident and who feel good
about themselves. Certainly, this is a turn-on for you as well. If you feel desirable
and sexy, it makes sense that others will too.
If low self-esteem is a problem for you, this should be the first area you work on in
yourself. It is not necessary to have over the top confidence, just a sense that you
are someone that has a lot of positives to offer others.
Do some reading, take a class that teaches assertiveness and/or practice daily
affirmations. Remember also that when you treat yourself with respect and adhere
to healthy boundaries with others, you will foster a healthy sense of self.
2.Be Yourself
NEVER try to be someone you are not. Not only do you come across as insincere, you
also will present as uncomfortable and make others feel this way right along with
you.
Trying to be cool, aggressive, (etc.), generally just makes you awkward and unapproachable.
Relax, be natural, be the you that your friends and others who know and like you, see
and appreciate.
Think back to the times you have witnessed someone "acting" in a social situation,
and the general reaction of those around them. Then think about the people you
know who are good at meeting others. These are the people who present their true
(best) side.
3. Smile and Show Enthusiasm
Certainly you have encountered strangers who were sullen and appeared negative
and unapproachable. A smile can change all that.
Have an open and inviting expression. Make good eye contact. People are DRAWN
to others like this. Let that attractive stranger know you are open to meeting them
and happy to be there. If they have an interest back, this will pave the way for a
first interaction.
If you don't feel like smiling it may be a good idea to sit this one out at home
with a movie or a good book or a low-key get together with a good friend.
4. Present Your Best Appearance
Always make your best effort in your grooming and choice of clothing.
Attractive is just that. It's not about having beautiful features or a fantastic body.
It's all about presenting what you have in the best light possible.
This also includes presenting an attractive personality. Be friendly, not pushy.
Be open, not indiscreet. Have opinions, don't be a know-it-all. Always remember to
consider others' feelings and needs. These interactions are not just about you.
5. Have Some Good Openings Lines Available
Hint: Natural conversation is best.
Some possible ones to consider:
- Do you know so and so?
- I noticed you were enjoying the music a lot, isn't this a great band?
- Your drink looks good- what is it?
- I noticed you standing here alone and thought you may want some company.
Of course, the direct approach is ok too.
- Hi, I'm so and so, what is your name?
Remember that there are no rules anymore about who goes first. If you see
someone who interests you, go for it. Just remember that they may not return
your feelings. Then you move away gracefully, look around for someone
else that attracts you, and make an overture towards them.
Also remember that rejection is part of the process. If you let the fear keep you
from taking that first step, you will greatly lessen your chances of meeting and
connecting with compatible singles.
is a psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of http://www.consum-mate.com. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including; The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men's Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and People magazines. She has been featured on ABC news, Discovery Health, AOL news, MSN, and Match. Toni is also the featured relationship coach in "The Business And Practice Of Coaching," ( Norton,September 2005); and is the author of the forward for," Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life, One Touchdown At A Time" (Simon and Schuster, November 2005). From March 2005 until December 2005, she was a weekly contributing commentator (love and dating coach) on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO). Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers.
©2003
Ladies, has this ever happened to you, or to another woman you know?
You meet a great guy. You start dating and your relationship goes well over the first few weeks or months. You're convinced he's definitely into you -- maybe even in love with you. Suddenly, just when you start thinking he's Mr. Right, he loses interest in you and begins to pull away.
You panic -- and you start asking yourself, "What happened?"
Then comes the inevitable question ...
"Where did I go wrong?"
You spend all your time replaying in your mind over and over what happened during your last conversation or encounter with him, looking for clues as to what might have led to your breakup. What should you have done or said -- and what should you not have done or said? You say to yourself, "If only I could understand why he left me, I could fix it."
Then, when you can't find anything you did wrong, you begin to wonder, 'What's wrong with him?'
Maybe he's got a drug problem, maybe he met someone else, maybe he's got intimacy issues, maybe he's gay, and so on ... ad nauseum.
Sound familiar?
If so, you need to know...
When do your acts of kindness, empathy, generosity, graciousness and taking pain away come across to a man as being controlling -- instead of being perceived as praiseworthy intentions?
Why a man's imagination is the best thing you have going for you -- and how to use it to make him crave to be with you again.
How to influence and shape your man's opinion of you -- and get him to see you as being more beautiful and more valuable, not someone who can be taken for granted.
This Book is Worth Its Weight in Gold!
"Wow, Bob Grant's book, How Do I Get Him Back, really opened my eyes to the truth about men. I used to think that all men generally have a love-'em-and-leave-'em attitude when it comes to dating women -- and that there was nothing I could do to make a man faithful to me. This book revealed an important concept about how to make a man regard me as someone of great value -- someone who's worth devoting his singular attention to. I'm forever grateful for this priceless information which I know will serve me for life. I appreciate this book even more because ever since I read it, I've been sharing what I learned from it with girlfriends and female members of my family who wanted to get their boyfriends back. I feel like a female Dr. Phil dispensing expert advice to women.
-- Kristin Bennett, Los Angeles, California
"How Do I Get Him Back" Available Here
