Bullying can be a real problem for kids. I'm happy to say that my kids' school takes the matter very seriously. I'm glad because we've been having to deal with this lately at our house. It can be heart breaking to watch your kids struggle with "friend problems." I think we're finally heading out of this rough patch. Because I feel so strongly about this issue, I decided this month I'd share my successes and failures in handling this problem in my own home:

Failures: I didn't take this problem very seriously at first. I just assumed it was typical complaining or drama. It wasn't until my child started coming home crying about events that happened at school that I realized, my mistake. After that time, I took a different approach. I lacked confidence in knowing what to do. I wasn't sure if I should contact the other child's parent, let my child deal with the problem on their own, or contact the teacher. Because I wasn't sure, I didn't do much to support my child for quite awhile. I just listened to their complaints.

Successes: Because I listened, I taught my child to come to me with concerns. I always talked to them about choices they had and comforted them when they were upset.

This open dialogue ended up opening the door for my child to be able to handle this dilemma. We talked about what a friend should be and how this person was not being a friend. We were able to talk in depth about bullying and develop ways to deal with the bullying when it occurred. Finally, my child was able to reach a point where they finally acknowledged that they didn't want to pursue this person as a friend anymore. This decision then lead to a desire to tell school officials what had been going on. Fortunately, the school immediately took action and the other student was counseled on their behavior.

Can I say everything has been perfect since then? Not exactly - but it's better. The frequency of the bullying behavior has dropped significantly, but most importantly my child doesn't allow it to affect them like it did before. Instead they've developed a stronger sense of who they are and what's important to them in a friend. For my part, I'm monitoring things much more closely. If the bullying picks up again, I feel more confident in knowing what to do and won't be so slow to act.

If your child is struggling with this, I encourage you to keep the door open for communication and not hesitate to talk to the school about getting support for your child. Bullying has a huge effect on kids at any age and should never be overlooked. I hope you can learn from my mistakes and have success of your own.

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Alyssa Johnson at Remarriage Success
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