All men are bastards. It's a phrase repeated up and down every country. Russian, Japanese, French - there's probably an expression in every dialect of every language that means more or less the same thing. But, is it fair to stamp this label across every man's forehead? There are many happily married men, men who are hurt by women more than they've ever hurt others, men who give large amounts to charity and men who often feel utterly and completely alone. In all likelihood, there is a very small percentage of 'bastards' who just seem to stick in our minds and who we unfortunately end up dating.

Dating bad men is a common predicament for almost all women. Some even claim that rebels are their 'type'. This sort of attitude is suicidal in the dating world. Bad men are bad for a reason - if he has a mild disrespect for the law, an authority problem or is rude to everyone, why shouldn't he treat you in exactly the same way? Here are a few pointers to get you out of this destructive cycle:

Reassess your attitude - If you enter the dating world with a negative attitude towards men, you're unlikely to attract any good ones. Try to ignore your past-relationship baggage - every new man deserves a chance. If you're going in with unresolved anger, you might need a bit more time before you start dating again.

Examine your own motivations - If you've dated a whole string of bad guys, could the real reason lie with you rather than them? Many women who are afraid of commitment put themselves in these kinds of relationships time and time again because they are scared of finding the perfect man. Try to examine your actions and find any secret motivations that could be leading you repeatedly to the wrong men.

Reorder your criteria - It's human nature to go for the attractive guy and place more priority on good looks than on other more important qualities. As bad luck would have it, bad guys are often attractive. They use their charms to manipulate and entrap the women that cross their path. When you meet someone new, try to see past a handsome exterior. Make choices based on looks as well as character traits rather than just one of these factors. Even if this means dating someone slightly less attractive, you will suffer far less as a result.

Change where you look - When you go out to find a new man, where do you look? The easiest places to meet new guys are pubs, clubs and bars. Unfortunately, these places are often populated by men who are untrustworthy and looking for a casual fling rather than those who are sensitive and relationship material. If this is where you've found your last few boyfriends, then this may be the explanation. Find new places to hang out - dating sites, exercise classes - there are many places to meet someone other than an alcohol-fuelled bar.

Know the warning signs - The biggest mistake a woman can make is to stay with a man that treats her badly. There seems to be this inextinguishable hope in a woman's heart that they can change these worthless men into the caring people they want them to be. Ninety-nine times out of one hundred, this is a hopeless dream. They will never change and if you're trying to change them maybe you should look for someone else - someone who answers your needs from the beginning. If he treats you badly, he's not worth your time. Walk out and find someone who is.

Whether you're dating in London or dating in Birmingham, don't get caught in the bad-boy cycle. There are plenty of wonderful men out there, they're just a little harder to find than their deceiving and manipulating fellows. With these tips, however, you should be able to save yourself from months, or even years, of unhappiness with the wrong man.

Steve Davis
©2010

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