Marriage is very complicated. You should be resilient if you want to survive in it or else you will be faced with the nightmare of divorce. Before you get married you have to make sure that your relationship has what it takes or else the consequences can be very nasty. Legal separation is an option couples do when they cannot fulfill their promise of forever. But it is not easy to come by. Even if it's mutual and agreeable decision, it is still expensive, traumatic and has ill effects on both of you and if you have them, the children.

Everybody who goes through the process of legal separation will advice you that avoiding divorce is still the best solution. People who have gone through it will tell you if you can chose a better path do it. Majority of people with failed marriages have gone through the process of grieving and severe loneliness. In divorce it's either you get out of it a better person or a broken person but you will never be same person. Marriage is about trial and error, a learning process. If you want to reach the nirvana in marriage you have to learn to forgive and learn from your mistakes.

This is one key in avoiding a divorce. A lot can happen in a marriage and it includes mistakes that can hurt a lot. But believe another mistake cannot correct another mistake. It cannot redeem you from your pain in the marriage, it can make it worst. If your partner have wronged you, it's hard to stop yourself from pointing an accusing finger of destroying your union. You have to be careful at pointing a finger because when you point one finger, you point four fingers back at you. My point is, before you accuse your spouse and dump all the fault at him, try to evaluate yourself first.

Is there something you did that pushed your spouse to philander? It always takes two to make or break a marriage. When you are hurt and devastated, somehow it seems easier to find refuge in legal separation. If you are in emotional turmoil, it's best to give yourself time to calm down and think of what is best for yourself, your children and your spouse. Yes he may have hurt you but if you have children, you have to think that what's your best for both of you is good for the children. In avoiding divorce, both of you must get into the bottom of your issues.

Facing the root cause of the problem makes it easier for you to forgive and can give both of you an action plan. It's important that both of you should become aware of each underlying issue, blind forgiveness will only make matters worst. This will create pent up negative emotions, making your union stagnant and dead in the long run. Talking about your deep-seated concerns can make you surpass your current situation and move on and think of solutions rather than dwell on your hurt and your spouse's mistakes. In avoiding divorce, both of you should make a commitment with each other and to yourselves to stick to your plan in saving your marriage.

That plan may include open communication or a moment of time for just the two of you, whatever it may be you have to stand up to it no matter what. It's important that you fulfill your commitment in order to build broken trusts. In avoiding divorce you have to learn to compromise, understand and make some effort to rekindle your love. Believe that love is just there somewhere. You just have to dig deep and give time. Avoiding divorce is easy if there is willingness and commitment to do so. Avoiding divorce is possible if you put it in your heart and mind that it is not an option.

Ruth Purple
©2009

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