"I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts." -John Locke 1632-1704

Have you ever been in a relationship where someone keeps telling you they love and care for you, but their actions tell you a different story? Do you wonder why you feel frustrated or disappointed when you are let down over and over again? If you find yourself holding on to empty words, broken promises, or unfulfilled commitments; how do you expect to feel?

If you are in a relationship with someone who talks a good game but never delivers on what they say, when do you stop believing them? For many it takes quite a while. You constantly hold onto the hope that some day they may really mean what they say, and how wonderful would that be? Their words are music to your ears because it's what you want to hear, but, most of the time your hopes are dashed by reality.

Typically, a talker says what you want to hear to keep you quiet. They don't want to lose you, so they find the words to make everything okay and then they do whatever they want anyway. This is selfishness at its best. Unfortunately, some people are in it for themselves with little or no regard for your needs or desires. They always make excuses for their behavior. They rarely if ever take responsibility for their actions since their unfulfilled commitments are always caused by circumstances outside themselves. And, they know that your disappointment will wane with the hopeful promise that next time, they'll do this right.

Well intentioned words are different from blatant hyperbole. It gets to the point that you know when the words are coming out of their mouth that there is no meaning behind them. Oh, sure they may love you, in their own way, but is this how you want to be loved? Unless you are mutually giving and receiving; you are in a one-sided relationship. On the one side, not only are your needs not being met; you are constantly being made to feel that you don't matter. And on the other side, they continue on their merry way because they know they can say anything and you aren't going anywhere.

So, if you find yourself in a relationship and your partner's words aren't congruous to their actions, it's your choice as to how long you are willing to put up with it. If it sounds like love, but doesn't feel like love; then it probably isn't love. You know when you aren't being told the truth. History has a tendency of repeating itself. If your experiences tell you that this person is unreliable, selfish and they never mean what they say; then it would appear that you have some decisions to make.

Begin to believe that you deserve to be treated with the same respect and commitment as you show to them. Set boundaries. Communicate to them your needs and expectations and if they have no interest in showing you that they love you through their actions; then why do you want to be with someone who is all talk and empty talk at that?

Remember, if someone is telling you what you want to hear but their actions don't make you feel the way you want to feel; only you can determine if living your life with empty words and broken promises is worth it. As you know; all of our choices come with consequences; if you choose to stay with someone who continually disappoints you; don't expect things to be different. But if you choose to live your life with healthy boundaries, with a loving and giving partner; you'll be glad you did and you'll never again have to wonder if they mean what they say. It's your choice.

Susan Russo
©2010

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