When I'm upset I am very tone sensitive. How you say it is more important than what you say.

Most women focus on the content of a conversation when they're upset. Not Men. While they do pay attention to what you're saying, how you say it is more important. When you are in a disagreement you can yell, scream, or whatever...but don't expect any results.

He can't hear you when it's too intense.

He may well deserve to be yelled at and if he does, then go for it. Just remember, the greater the amount of emotion a man feels, the more sensitive he is to your tone.

I don't always know how I feel. That's why I don't tell you.

-Men have an ability that most women don't understand: we can shut off our feelings pretty easily. In fact, most of the time we aren't feeling anything. It takes a lot of effort for a man to "feel."

If you want to know what a man is feeling, ask him this question instead, "What do you think about___________?" You won't get an emotional answer like you'd receive from one of your girlfriends, but it's easier for him to begin sharing his thoughts rather than start revealing his feelings.

If I do one thing and say something contradictory, go with my actions. That will always tell you what's in my heart.

I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but it's true... words simply don't mean as much to men as they do women. The reason is that men tend to say what they believe...in the moment. Since men don't feel often they are very susceptible when they do feel.

If they are feeling romantic at the moment, they may make a promise that they sincerely believe. However, they may not keep that promise once that romantic feeling fades away. It isn't right and it certainly isn't mature to do this, but that's what men do.

It is when a man consistently does these things that a woman should trust his intentions. It isn't as important that a man says wonderful things as it is when his actions align with what he says.

I don't like to argue because...

Men don't like to argue - really. The reason is that a disagreement can lead to a conflict. For men, a conflict is a battle that you must win. As a woman, you don't want to get into a battle with a man for because he's got a lot more testosterone than you do.

He's wired/designed for combat and when you argue with him he's seeing you as a man. He doesn't want to nurture or protect you but he feels like you're acting in a competitive way and he assumes you are challenging him.

What you want to cultivate in your man is the understanding that you can discuss anything with him, as long as it doesn't feel competitive. This mean you'll need to train him to cherish you...even when he's upset with you.

I don't need you to do things for me. What I crave is being able to please you.

There is one thing men crave above everything else and it's power. Men need, want, and will do anything to feel powerful. For this reason, a man's self esteem is built up by 2 things:

1. What he accomplishes
2. What he overcomes

Men's self worth is closely related to what they accomplish. This is the main reason why a man losing his job is often harder emotionally for him than it would be for a woman. His identity is measured by what he makes, produces and achieves in his career.

In addition, when men overcome a problem, it makes them feel empowered. Every problem that a man fixes (or conquers) is a way for him to prove to himself that he's strong, smart, and tough.

This is why the most important thing a woman can do when she sees her man struggling isn't to help him fix his problem. Her good intentions will often be interpreted by him in this way, "Oh, so you don't think I can fix this on my own?"

What is better is for her to say this, "I don't know how you'll solve this, but I know you will. I've seen you figure out things before and I trust in your ability."

Now, I'd never suggest that a man say that to a woman, but if a man hears the woman he loves say such a thing his mind will begin racing with these thoughts:

• "Wow, she really thinks I can do this."
• "Maybe I can."
• "Actually I know I can, because I can't disappoint her."

Try it the next time he has a problem that seems overwhelming to him.

©2011

Show All Articles By Bob Grant